I don't know what to say.
I feel bittersweet about the semester being over.
I'm happy to have made it to this point, the finish line is clearer that it was in September, but I'm not sure what happens after that. Graduate school or employment or both? I won't see may of you when it's over either, I have enjoyed learning with you and from you.
I'm grateful for this class and learning style, I might have missed it as some will, I feel I'm an an advantage for having gone through it.
I
will leave you with a quote that sums up the self assessment we have
been exposed to this semester in a way that resonates with me~
Yeah, I have to get honest again.
My life prior to BSW was artsy fartsy. I took a lot of art classes like printmaking and photography and got my first BA in theater. As of 2002, I have been a practicing massage therapist as well. I turned my creative energy into a comprehensive massage therapy practice, it was easier as a single mom to make my own hours than lugging my kids to auditions and late night rehearsals (sometimes into the a.m.). So I put all that art on the back burner and went about my life as a massaging mom thinking about other routes of economic improvement while continuing to do what I love. I started in xray at SMCC thinking it would be kind of artsy by taking photo's and placing people in position for them, and there would be stability in the medical field, the whole aspect of helping people too. I was wait listed for about two years to get in that program. First week of classes we were told "good luck finding a job when you are done in 2 years, there aren't any." Well I'm not a quitter, nor do I let myself be shaken too hard normally so I kept on. First semester you are shooting people with radiation. Half-way through it I knew it wasn't the job I would be happy in and feel like I was really doing something giving. Xray is one of the biggest money makers for hospitals, a lot of unnecessary exposure happens. You see people for 5 minutes at a time for the most part, barely get a sentence in with them and they are gone. It's too removed, I'm a feeler and I needed a little more substance in my work. I knew that changing my route was the best thing.
I enjoy doing hospice massage, my eldest client (101 at passing) thus far dubbed me "massage artist." One day I was in one room of this hospice clients house massaging her, and in the next room was her son in law who was now dying. The social worker was there and they were discussing his own funeral plans etc, the worker was checking in on the family one last time. I went home and started researching what job that was. I enjoy helping people feel good as they are making their way out, I could spin it for a career in social work. To get that job I needed another degree, so here I am. This semester my artsy got massaged again. I can see now that my theater and art classes and all of it can be utilized to do good. Full circle, I have come full circle and it might have taken me longer to do that had I not had the opportunity to learn in this style.
So here we go, all hopeful and scared and excited~
Ok blog universe, I needed a breather from the baseball bat to the teeth I felt I got when the truth was revealed I'm referring to the article:
http://killermartinis.kinja.com/why-i-make-terrible-decisions-or-poverty-thoughts-1450123558
we were sent this piece about being poor and the subsequent article about it being bullshit. Yep, I swore and I'm not a real big swearer type most of the time but this big ball of deception on that chic's part just burned me. I was all into the article, unfortunately (up for debate) mostly relating to it. I'm that person who has lived most of my life riding the poverty line. I felt sorry for her and my sympathy for her had little to do with every experience she had, my sympathy was only in the sharing of the feeling of oppression. Then come to find out, I wasn't sharing...my feeling was stolen as was revealed in this article: http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2013/11/that_viral_poverty_thoughts_es.php
Now I'm not one to go throwing my life story out there for my peers or anyone else to dissect, that was part of my sympathy too, I was rooting her on for her bravery in honesty. What I need to do now is to dissect what she wrote and let you know how I relate to it, I will be the brave and honest one!
The title alone "Why I Make Terrible Decisions, or, poverty thoughts" Can that be any more of a stereotype...(enter sarcasm) of course everyone in poverty is there due to their own terrible decision making....
Her first statement is "rest is a luxury for the rich." As a mom, rest is a luxury for the childless.
Next she mentions 12/$2 burritos, when I fed myself and my daughter on $30 a week I sure would have loved that $12 deal to be a real option.
"We have learned not to try too hard to be middle-class." She lost me, I can't relate at all to being complacent. Sometimes you fake it till you make it.
The urge to propagate??? She may be a breeder of bad taste!
"We will never not be poor, it doesn't give us much reason to improve ourselves." I may not have money for many extra's but I will one day have more...or I won't...it will not determine my self determination and I will never stop improving myself regardless of my economic status.
"Free only exists for rich people." I know a lot of tricks for finding free or nearly free (freecycle for example) and I'm sure there are more I don't know.
On her smoking addiction she says: "It is the only relaxation I am allowed. It is not a good decision, but it is the only one that I have access to." Well as a former smoker and as a health care practitioner I have to say that you have to find your own relaxation, if you have 5 minutes to smoke then you have 5 minutes to meditate~
"I will never not be poor, so what does it matter if I don't pay a thing and a half this week instead of just one thing?" I have better credit than a lot of my friends that have lot's of money, that's my savior in all this. If I need a $10,000 loan, I can get it. I have had to create debt for myself for many reasons including paying lawyers to fight for my family out of divorce and won, but I am far from sunk and I will continue to do what it takes to hopefully preserve my fall back.
"You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one
time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them
for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel
powerful and valuable" Can we put away the "all poor women are sluts" card please? Being poor has nothing to do with being slutty or not. How about those women who lay down with someone they secretly disgust over just to keep the closet filled...just sayin.
Finally she uses the words "This is what our lives are like, and here are our defense mechanisms, and here is why we think differently." Well, it sure isn't what my life has been like etc. etc.
In the end it was a load, of nothingness. I felt sympathy for her yet that is the last thing I would ever want from someone who heard my life story. Instead I seek self fulfillment and appreciation for being me and living who I am. Yeah, I may have less in my bank account than a whole lot of people, but I am very rich in my life in many ways that matter so much more.
