Ok blog universe, I needed a breather from the baseball bat to the teeth I felt I got when the truth was revealed I'm referring to the article:
http://killermartinis.kinja.com/why-i-make-terrible-decisions-or-poverty-thoughts-1450123558
we were sent this piece about being poor and the subsequent article about it being bullshit. Yep, I swore and I'm not a real big swearer type most of the time but this big ball of deception on that chic's part just burned me. I was all into the article, unfortunately (up for debate) mostly relating to it. I'm that person who has lived most of my life riding the poverty line. I felt sorry for her and my sympathy for her had little to do with every experience she had, my sympathy was only in the sharing of the feeling of oppression. Then come to find out, I wasn't sharing...my feeling was stolen as was revealed in this article: http://blogs.houstonpress.com/artattack/2013/11/that_viral_poverty_thoughts_es.php
Now I'm not one to go throwing my life story out there for my peers or anyone else to dissect, that was part of my sympathy too, I was rooting her on for her bravery in honesty. What I need to do now is to dissect what she wrote and let you know how I relate to it, I will be the brave and honest one!
The title alone "Why I Make Terrible Decisions, or, poverty thoughts" Can that be any more of a stereotype...(enter sarcasm) of course everyone in poverty is there due to their own terrible decision making....
Her first statement is "rest is a luxury for the rich." As a mom, rest is a luxury for the childless.
Next she mentions 12/$2 burritos, when I fed myself and my daughter on $30 a week I sure would have loved that $12 deal to be a real option.
"We have learned not to try too hard to be middle-class." She lost me, I can't relate at all to being complacent. Sometimes you fake it till you make it.
The urge to propagate??? She may be a breeder of bad taste!
"We will never not be poor, it doesn't give us much reason to improve ourselves." I may not have money for many extra's but I will one day have more...or I won't...it will not determine my self determination and I will never stop improving myself regardless of my economic status.
"Free only exists for rich people." I know a lot of tricks for finding free or nearly free (freecycle for example) and I'm sure there are more I don't know.
On her smoking addiction she says: "It is the only relaxation I am allowed. It is not a good decision, but it is the only one that I have access to." Well as a former smoker and as a health care practitioner I have to say that you have to find your own relaxation, if you have 5 minutes to smoke then you have 5 minutes to meditate~
"I will never not be poor, so what does it matter if I don't pay a thing and a half this week instead of just one thing?" I have better credit than a lot of my friends that have lot's of money, that's my savior in all this. If I need a $10,000 loan, I can get it. I have had to create debt for myself for many reasons including paying lawyers to fight for my family out of divorce and won, but I am far from sunk and I will continue to do what it takes to hopefully preserve my fall back.
"You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one
time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them
for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel
powerful and valuable" Can we put away the "all poor women are sluts" card please? Being poor has nothing to do with being slutty or not. How about those women who lay down with someone they secretly disgust over just to keep the closet filled...just sayin.
Finally she uses the words "This is what our lives are like, and here are our defense mechanisms, and here is why we think differently." Well, it sure isn't what my life has been like etc. etc.
In the end it was a load, of nothingness. I felt sympathy for her yet that is the last thing I would ever want from someone who heard my life story. Instead I seek self fulfillment and appreciation for being me and living who I am. Yeah, I may have less in my bank account than a whole lot of people, but I am very rich in my life in many ways that matter so much more.
Karre,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this. I think it's great that you are able to take her words and dissect them, pulling apart her "we." It's really unfortunate that this woman lies about her story, but even if she had been telling the truth, what you did is really meaningful. I say this because we all come from diverse backgrounds, and part of what builds our set of values, thoughts, and defense mechanisms are the perceptions we have about our situations. If this woman truly was in poverty, then I would say she really perceived her life as "stuck." She seems to feel its an uphill battle that almost isn't worth fighting. Yet there are many folks who do want to fight the battle, who remain optimistic and now that sometimes you have to try.
I like what you said about it being time to end the "poor women are sluts" stereotype. Our society continues to label poor, single mothers as being promiscuous. It's not fair, and the whole "family ethic" employed by our country allows this stereotype to persist. As long as we keep refusing to provide benefits to additional children born while a mother is collecting TANF, then we are basically saying "she shouldn't be allowed to have sex because she's poor." The government should have no control over the sexual activity of women, regardless of the benefits they are collecting. It invades their privacy and continues to persuade the public that women who engage in sexual activity are "slutty," especially when they are poor.
I agree Shea, that could have been her real story if she were being honest and I hope I can help empower someone(s) who feel stuck to keep on keepin on, one foot in front of the other.
ReplyDelete;) agreed~